"Let go of the past so that you may press forward to greater things in your future."

     Woke up with this message on my heart: "Let go of the past so that you may press forward to greater things in your future." I was sitting in my car this morning driving to work as if it were another day. That beat was running (lol), the sun was shining, coffee was great and life just seemed to be so great. But then, I realized I needed to hear a different genre of music to calm myself and prepare me for the day. I ended up listening to Bishop Paul S. Morton. In one of his songs, he sings, "Does anybody need a word (x3)...?” And I quickly responded by saying yes! Yes, I need a word. No matter how awesome my or your life looks, we still need a word from God daily to guide our life and take guard over our hearts!

Anyways, I began reflecting on things in my life that I wish would have turned out differently: wasted opportunities, failed relationships, stale friendships, bitter paths and unnecessary foolishness that could have been avoided if I did not hesitate to communicate what I wanted. It was in that moment that I realized how holding on to the past has prevented me from fulfilling my ultimate potential. Sometimes, my mind can become a jail cell, imprisoning my thoughts and withholding my freedom to be. As a result of this realization, I asked what the solution is. Well, I can always talk about it, pray about it, or forget about it. I have done all three, but nothing seems to work. So I have decided to go back to the middle one, God knows my heart and He can work it out. But since we are creatures who can never really let go, I have one more thought.

Take responsibility for your actions. If you have reflected on a situation over and over in your mind and you cannot seem to find the bad apple in the story, then maybe it is you. Maybe you didn't give your all. Maybe you didn't think it was that big of deal. Maybe you thought it would work its' self out. Maybe you tried to work it out using your method and your method was a poor one. Maybe you disregarded the situation and decided to do whatever you wanted to do because you know what's best anway. Whatever the case may be, pick up a mirror and ask the person you see, if they were the main character, the supporting character or just a cameo in the play. Regardless, you had a role in the play and now the play has come to a close. Now, it is time for you to put the play back in the book and put the book on the shelf and then walk away and pick up a new book and start again. When you start this new play, keep in my mind the errors made in the old one because no one wants to see a book fail twice.

Optimistically Insane

I see trees of green

Clouds of white

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

I see the good in you

I see the evil brought into you

And I think to myself

That it’s only temporary

I see your pain

I see you gain

And I think to myself

That it’s only temporary

If I could only walk into reality

I would slap myself with a piece of it

I could convince myself that you are who you are

And maybe then

The clouds wouldn't be so white

The grass wouldn't be so green

And maybe

It was never a temporary state

Just a permanent trait

That maybe the evil I saw in you

Also dwelled in me

Maybe the weakness I saw you

I hated in me

And the sincerity I thought lay deep within us

Was actually just temporary satisfaction

With no eternal factor

I still hope that one day

You and I will meet each other at the edge of our grass fields

And that on that day

You and I would realize

That your grass is just as green as mine

And that maybe if we would take the fences down

Or at least reconstruct them

That we could have an acre of prosperous land

Instead of hole with no end

The colors of the rainbow

So pretty in the sky

Made of people going by

I see old friends saying they've missed each other

I see old loves rekindling

I see the hope for tomorrow

Not dwindling in the disgust for today

I see it all

I’m optimistically insane

Believing that everything will work out for the greater good

And that there is good in everyone

3am Type of Thoughts

I'm sitting here in complete darkness, in a house that is not a home

More of a temporary hope for what never will come

I can't help but question some of the decisions that I make

Why is it that as a human being, my first inclination is to give myself, wholeheartedly?

Am I blinded by the idea that one day, I will give and then receive something far beyond what my mind can comprehend?

Nevertheless, as I digress to speak my mind

I ponder about something that I told myself weeks ago: To give

Give if you have a little, give if you have a lot

But what happens when you give and all the other person every does is take?

I've observed my friends, family, boos, etc

And I've come to the conclusion that people are sometimes so got damn selfish

Like I understand if every now and then, you need some attention

By all means, I'll be your audience

But got dammit, do you always have to be the star of the production?

And if I miss and show will I be dismissed?

It's funny how sometimes I can be so forgiving, so overlooking

But then, God forbid, that I do something wrong

Please cut my head off and bring it to the offended

I'm just so confused,

If I stay quiet and work hard, I get no where

If I sit strong and speak my mind, I get no where

If I just do nothing at all, I really will get no where

Idk, im just ranting

Having the 3am type of thoughts

Something Strange Happened

So, something strange happened to me last night (7/17/11). I sat with one man talking about the randomness of life, trying to develop a hopeless connection for the future. However, across the room there sat another man who drew my spirit closer to him. There was something about him that made me feel uninhibited. I wanted to be there with him and not the one sitting across from me. As fate would see it, the mysterious man in the corner would work his magic and meet me behind the books, only to have me write more words. Later, I met that guy in another setting. It was as if I knew I shouldn't have been there with him, but I was. We didn't care about the people around us, sitting and staring. We were in our own world, conversationally concentrated, emotionally and physically prepared. It was as if time had frozen and only he and I were allowed to live in peace. Again, I saw that same man in another setting, and it was sweeter than the ones before. It was beautiful. He wanted to dig deeper into my mind, my history, my heart. And my foolish self, I just wanted to give him my all and to walk away knowing that he was all mine. But, then it hit me, temporary satisfaction was not on the menu. Like my encounters with others, I had to give a lecture on wanting more. I explained that just being ordinary was not where I wanted to be. He responded by saying that I was young and I should let the world be my partner. I told him the world couldn't be my partner because the world already had too many lovers and I want to be the only love. Nevertheless, I felt something. I felt that this man had took a piece of my dreams and made them into a reality. For the sake of not seeming so naive, I had to refrain from truly giving him my mind, so instead of telling him the whole story, I only told a third and pleaded the fifth. I hope for more with him. I desire more with him. Honestly...

Deeper Than Sex by Shi Burgess

Kiss me with your words
Make love to me with your mind
Breathe life back into my heart
Send your vibrations after you enter me
Elude my worries as you thrust inside me
Fill me with your sweet tender loins,
As the passion feels me within
Your beauty is heavenly
My warmth intertwined with your being
As the wetness trickles down my legs,
I began to feel the shakes,
The unity of our love is undeniable
You romance my breast,
The tenderness I feel
Your arousal you can no longer hide
No shame upon our faces as we,
Hold each other to our warm embrace
Like a animal in heat, we need more
I sing out tears of joy as I start to climax
The slow tune we've made is all we hear
Your hands caressing my body,
As if I was your electric guitar
He collides deeper, deeper, deeper
As his passion begins to erupt
Kissing my neck with gripped hands on my thighs
His semen I feel through my orgasmic thrills
His nostrils flared at the smell of our love making
His shaft completely satisfied from the forces he's received
Our desires fully fulfilled as we lay in one another embrace

I CAN'T

I can't walk without stepping into shit

I can't talk without rearranging my words to fit your sensitive ass

I can't be happy because I fear that if I put all of my happiness in a bucket someone is going to kick it over

I can't think because my mind is corrupted with the troubles of the world

I can't remain in peace because someone stole my tranquility

I can't love because knowing that you will never love me like you used to is heartbreaking

I can't be empathetic to you because you were not there for me when I was sad, so I recline and daydream about your pain and smile

I can't confide in you because you will tell that bitch from around the block

I can't support you because you will bring me down completely and leave in me in the shack while you enjoy the palace

I can't break bread with you because that season of love is spoiled by an eternity of hate

I can't set rain to the fire because I would rather see you burn

I can't reminisce on all of our good times because that wound is still open and I would rather

not burn it

At this point, I can't finish this piece because.....I just can't.....

I am MY own eneMY

I am my own enemy

Crashing lights fall to pieces that slice my mind

Seeing the dream as a reality, still only a fantasy

Prisoner of my own thoughts

Never had the key

Where did I go wrong?

Sabotaged myself into believing that I could be instantly changed

That if I was dead a little longer my resurrection would be to die for

But my head is constantly spinning with these visions

I see you, I see him, I see them, but I don't see me

Talking, Thinking, Sitting, Watching

Hoping, Dreaming, Wondering, Waiting

Wishing, Conceiving, Feeling, Loving,

Living, Wandering, Believing,

Straight Deceiving

I just feel like I was told to go left instead of right

I followed my first mind and went that side of the fork road

You told me this side was greener

Subconsciously, I have convinced myself that I am in a different realm

I'm not

I'm still my worst enemy

Why you ask?

Because I have box with complexities

I can't break in

And I can't find the damn key

So I'll sit

I'll sit and hope that one day I'll be better

Better able to articulate what it is I truly feel

Because right now,

Words are worthless

And the only thing worthwhile

Is trapped in an abandoned box.