Optimistically Insane

I see trees of green

Clouds of white

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

I see the good in you

I see the evil brought into you

And I think to myself

That it’s only temporary

I see your pain

I see you gain

And I think to myself

That it’s only temporary

If I could only walk into reality

I would slap myself with a piece of it

I could convince myself that you are who you are

And maybe then

The clouds wouldn't be so white

The grass wouldn't be so green

And maybe

It was never a temporary state

Just a permanent trait

That maybe the evil I saw in you

Also dwelled in me

Maybe the weakness I saw you

I hated in me

And the sincerity I thought lay deep within us

Was actually just temporary satisfaction

With no eternal factor

I still hope that one day

You and I will meet each other at the edge of our grass fields

And that on that day

You and I would realize

That your grass is just as green as mine

And that maybe if we would take the fences down

Or at least reconstruct them

That we could have an acre of prosperous land

Instead of hole with no end

The colors of the rainbow

So pretty in the sky

Made of people going by

I see old friends saying they've missed each other

I see old loves rekindling

I see the hope for tomorrow

Not dwindling in the disgust for today

I see it all

I’m optimistically insane

Believing that everything will work out for the greater good

And that there is good in everyone

3am Type of Thoughts

I'm sitting here in complete darkness, in a house that is not a home

More of a temporary hope for what never will come

I can't help but question some of the decisions that I make

Why is it that as a human being, my first inclination is to give myself, wholeheartedly?

Am I blinded by the idea that one day, I will give and then receive something far beyond what my mind can comprehend?

Nevertheless, as I digress to speak my mind

I ponder about something that I told myself weeks ago: To give

Give if you have a little, give if you have a lot

But what happens when you give and all the other person every does is take?

I've observed my friends, family, boos, etc

And I've come to the conclusion that people are sometimes so got damn selfish

Like I understand if every now and then, you need some attention

By all means, I'll be your audience

But got dammit, do you always have to be the star of the production?

And if I miss and show will I be dismissed?

It's funny how sometimes I can be so forgiving, so overlooking

But then, God forbid, that I do something wrong

Please cut my head off and bring it to the offended

I'm just so confused,

If I stay quiet and work hard, I get no where

If I sit strong and speak my mind, I get no where

If I just do nothing at all, I really will get no where

Idk, im just ranting

Having the 3am type of thoughts

Something Strange Happened

So, something strange happened to me last night (7/17/11). I sat with one man talking about the randomness of life, trying to develop a hopeless connection for the future. However, across the room there sat another man who drew my spirit closer to him. There was something about him that made me feel uninhibited. I wanted to be there with him and not the one sitting across from me. As fate would see it, the mysterious man in the corner would work his magic and meet me behind the books, only to have me write more words. Later, I met that guy in another setting. It was as if I knew I shouldn't have been there with him, but I was. We didn't care about the people around us, sitting and staring. We were in our own world, conversationally concentrated, emotionally and physically prepared. It was as if time had frozen and only he and I were allowed to live in peace. Again, I saw that same man in another setting, and it was sweeter than the ones before. It was beautiful. He wanted to dig deeper into my mind, my history, my heart. And my foolish self, I just wanted to give him my all and to walk away knowing that he was all mine. But, then it hit me, temporary satisfaction was not on the menu. Like my encounters with others, I had to give a lecture on wanting more. I explained that just being ordinary was not where I wanted to be. He responded by saying that I was young and I should let the world be my partner. I told him the world couldn't be my partner because the world already had too many lovers and I want to be the only love. Nevertheless, I felt something. I felt that this man had took a piece of my dreams and made them into a reality. For the sake of not seeming so naive, I had to refrain from truly giving him my mind, so instead of telling him the whole story, I only told a third and pleaded the fifth. I hope for more with him. I desire more with him. Honestly...

Deeper Than Sex by Shi Burgess

Kiss me with your words
Make love to me with your mind
Breathe life back into my heart
Send your vibrations after you enter me
Elude my worries as you thrust inside me
Fill me with your sweet tender loins,
As the passion feels me within
Your beauty is heavenly
My warmth intertwined with your being
As the wetness trickles down my legs,
I began to feel the shakes,
The unity of our love is undeniable
You romance my breast,
The tenderness I feel
Your arousal you can no longer hide
No shame upon our faces as we,
Hold each other to our warm embrace
Like a animal in heat, we need more
I sing out tears of joy as I start to climax
The slow tune we've made is all we hear
Your hands caressing my body,
As if I was your electric guitar
He collides deeper, deeper, deeper
As his passion begins to erupt
Kissing my neck with gripped hands on my thighs
His semen I feel through my orgasmic thrills
His nostrils flared at the smell of our love making
His shaft completely satisfied from the forces he's received
Our desires fully fulfilled as we lay in one another embrace

I CAN'T

I can't walk without stepping into shit

I can't talk without rearranging my words to fit your sensitive ass

I can't be happy because I fear that if I put all of my happiness in a bucket someone is going to kick it over

I can't think because my mind is corrupted with the troubles of the world

I can't remain in peace because someone stole my tranquility

I can't love because knowing that you will never love me like you used to is heartbreaking

I can't be empathetic to you because you were not there for me when I was sad, so I recline and daydream about your pain and smile

I can't confide in you because you will tell that bitch from around the block

I can't support you because you will bring me down completely and leave in me in the shack while you enjoy the palace

I can't break bread with you because that season of love is spoiled by an eternity of hate

I can't set rain to the fire because I would rather see you burn

I can't reminisce on all of our good times because that wound is still open and I would rather

not burn it

At this point, I can't finish this piece because.....I just can't.....

I am MY own eneMY

I am my own enemy

Crashing lights fall to pieces that slice my mind

Seeing the dream as a reality, still only a fantasy

Prisoner of my own thoughts

Never had the key

Where did I go wrong?

Sabotaged myself into believing that I could be instantly changed

That if I was dead a little longer my resurrection would be to die for

But my head is constantly spinning with these visions

I see you, I see him, I see them, but I don't see me

Talking, Thinking, Sitting, Watching

Hoping, Dreaming, Wondering, Waiting

Wishing, Conceiving, Feeling, Loving,

Living, Wandering, Believing,

Straight Deceiving

I just feel like I was told to go left instead of right

I followed my first mind and went that side of the fork road

You told me this side was greener

Subconsciously, I have convinced myself that I am in a different realm

I'm not

I'm still my worst enemy

Why you ask?

Because I have box with complexities

I can't break in

And I can't find the damn key

So I'll sit

I'll sit and hope that one day I'll be better

Better able to articulate what it is I truly feel

Because right now,

Words are worthless

And the only thing worthwhile

Is trapped in an abandoned box.

What I Want - Love Styled

I had a conversation with my mom today and we talked about the present and how people act in relationships before, during and after marriage. We compared various couples that we've known. And then, my mother asked me what did I want in a relationship. Well, if anyone knows me, I don't mind expressing myself at all, as a matter of fact, I think I express myself too much lol. So this is what I said:

I want him to say my name with love

I want the even thought of me to make him smile

I want to be the ying to his yang

The sugar to his kool aid

The barbecue on his prime rib

The apple in his pie

I want to be his best friend, his lover, his confidant

I want to be reason why his heart melts

I want to be the seasoning to his soul

I want him to be my protector

I want him to be my king

And when we touch, I want it to be

Like stars colliding

Like a bumblebee living in a honeycomb

I want it be sweet

I want it to be real

I want it to be the product of the heavens

I want it to shake my soul

To make me cry when nothing is wrong

To make me smile just because

To make me wonder

To make me hope

I want a living love

Never content with just being there

But always striving to grow each and every day

Yes, that's it....just you and me

Just us two,

:)

Miraculous Story

This story is taken from Luke 16:19-31

Rich man

Has it

Knows it

And acknowledges it

Poor man

Doesn't have it

Doesn't know his fate

And doesn't know the rich man's fate either

Sitting high

Never looking low

The rich man inherits the finest things of life

Refuses to give even the smallest crumb to the poor man

Thinks his dogs are more worthy

Poor man dies

Carried off by the angels

Rich man dies

No one cares

In torment, the rich man cries out for the poor man to tap the water so he could be cooled

In paradise, the Saint says no

In torment, the rich man asks for the Saint to warn his family to change their ways so they would not be tormented

In paradise, the Saint says no

He says that if those people will not listen to the men of the most high

Then seeing the dead will not change that

-I heard this story today in Bible Study and I thought I would share it. I often think about how God would allow some people to suffer for the glorification of Him. That beggar had no idea that he would be lifted into paradise by angels. When I think of the rich man, I don't just think of wealthy people, I think of all those people who have an overflow of blessings and refuse to share. They will reap what they sow. Sad, but true... So the moral of the story for me is this: If you can give, give. If you don't have enough to give, still give. It is when we are cheerful givers that we are blessed with an overflow. Most importantly, we make God happy.-

2am Type of Thoughts

I'm sitting in the bed

thinking to myself

damn

everything

everything

everything

has got to get better

hell

its getting better

everyday

everyday

everyday

i can see the growth in myself

it feels so damn good to be at peace

not in the limelight

not involved in the daily gossips of others

not worrying about some piss ass job

not sad or disappointed

not forced to move when I really want to be still

it feels so damn good

to be

free

ready to explore the new things life has to offer

ready to climb to the highest mountain

ready to kick rocks in the river

and to tumble down into the valley

oh the sweetness of life

good to the mind

yet sweeter to the mouth

damn, it feels so good!

if your not happy, then evaluate some things,

maybe its not the things that occupy your life, but your perspective of life that has kept you in mental bondage

so to you

I say

take your shackles off

walk the earth while you are still alive

because one day, it will bury you.

I think too much

In the confines of my mind, I reflect on that which barely crosses the mind of the average person. I think about life decisions. If I could do it all again, would I? Yes, it was those experiences that made me a stronger individual, without them I would probably be weak. Yet, I wonder that if I would have gone right instead of left how different my life would be. I will never know the answer to that question and as I think about it, the grass is not much greener on the other side. Hell, maybe it is worse. Nevertheless, life. life. life. Wow. There are not enough blogs, thoughts, or books written about how one's life is in the hand of him/herself. I agree that the power of life is in one's hand, however, one must never forget that two actors are involved, both God and Satan. So like I said, I think and this is what I thought about last night: I sat in my bed and in darkness, aloud, I called out to Lucifer. I had one simple question: Why fall, when you sat above many? The response was simple: Because he could not sit about God. I began to think about this in relation to my life and the lives of so many. How many times do we sit and say that we have total control over our lives without regard to omnipotence of God? How many times do we act without ever bringing our thoughts/activities to God first? Nearly all of the time. Why is that difficulty? Is it because we want to be independent? Or is it because we want to receive all of the glory and praise when our actions produce success? Regardless of how you answer these questions, my personal response is because we feel that we are independent enough and that actually God does not control ever fiber of our existence. In actuality, He does. What would the world be like if there was no heaven or hell? Would it be paradise? Or would we be just dust, blowing into the sea? Mmmhhh. from ashes to ashes, and dust to dust...someday my questions will be answered.

"So you thought____?"

So you thought...

that if you pulled the trigger, shot the soul but left the body no one would notice

that if you apologized after the tears it would make sunshine out of the storm

that if you could just keep everyone quiet that you could live life without accountability

that if you were ever asked about the state of your actions you would lie

that if you could turn all that glitter into gold than you would be a rich bitch, living life to fullest with no regard for the other man

that if you could get everyone to believe the lies no one would search for truth

that if you could turn back the hands of time you would commit the same actions, except this time you would find some dirt on other people so they would not have room to talk

that if you betray your brethren no one would continue to scrutinize you

that if you would have just bite the goddamn serpent instead of the apple there would be no need for sin and thus your present predicament

that if you would have just been honest, you wouldn't have felt so good lying

that if you would have just stayed simple, maybe your life wouldn't have been so complex

that if she would not have left you, maybe the other she would not have felt you

that if maybe you would take off your mask, people would see nothing but the scraps of a bastard child forced to live in a damned world

that if maybe, just maybe, you could get by, you could get high and thereby fly to the land of ignorance because intelligence is only for those that seek understanding but you are wrapped in a web of contentment, shadowed by the idea of the closet life because you know that in order to come out you would have to face reality and to be honest, honesty isn't the best policy.

Bonded

Written in ink

Pierced with a needle

Faced with 8 hours of bonding

Open and honest

Accepting and real

There could never be anyone better

Than these friends

Superior to all

Bonded for life

It is this experience that signified so much

It represented more than what the eye can see

It represented our growth

We pushed through our trials

It made us stronger

It made women into warriors

Our lives are forever changed

And even when we are old

We will use the newest apple product

And message about the day

When we....

Acted a fool

Spoke in truth

Had road rage

Curse somebody out

Rapped about the struggle

And fell out laughing about everything...

We are forever bonded.

This post is dedicated to: Tiffany Dumas and Brandi Ebanks 6/3/11

Hell Froze Over Today by Richard D. Remier

Your opinion, however
You may feel to convey
Is not wanted, or needed,
Or useful today.

For I've decided you've an ego
That's simply too big
For a person who has
The IQ of a twig.

I know, you protest,
You digest, you request.
You infest, you arrest,
You expect all the best.

You take, take, take, take
But you don't know how to give.
As though you run every action
Through your cast iron sieve...

And strain out every feeling,
Every thought and concern,
And toss what's left over
In the kettle to burn.

You know, there's always a Summer

Right after the Spring,
And there's always a bee
Right willing to sting.

There is always a Curtain
Hungry for that last call,
And there's always that Winter
Right after that Fall,

You've run your fine course,
And you've trampled the Lot,
Strangling them all
Without a second thought.

And you've left in your wake
The wounds of mistrust,
The heartbreak and anger
Amidst the gray dust

Where the hopeless now bleed,
And the vultures now play
In the abyss of a hell
That froze over today.

A Poison Tree by William Blake

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see,
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

This poem always makes me laugh. I just think about how this poem has so many themes. Enjoy.

I think I'm growing up

This is how I feel. point. blank period. Shit I've changed, to me, I feel its for the better, to others, they say, "Gosh, she has changed so much that I don't want to be around her." And quite frankly, I don't give a rat's butt about what anyone thinks, says or does that relates to me. I remember just a few years ago, I would be so consumed with the "word on the street." The street had so many words, opinions, thoughts and feelings about me until I woke up and said, "STFU!" But you know you can't just leave the street wordless, that's what they are there for; insignificant f**king creatures created just to piss you off. Now don't get it twisted, this is not an angry entry. I am quite calm, as a matter of fact, I am super quiet, in total silence. My point is, that as human beings we become so obsessed with what others are saying about us that we forget who we are and what our purpose in life is. I told my brother today that he is damned if he does live up to the "words on the street" and he is damned if he doesn't. Hell, all that really matters is you and God anyway. But no matter how I try or anyone else tries to convince any individual to not worry, they will. But as for me, I've reached the point where I don't give a damn. I have fallen off the face of the earth, and I am content with that. I don't find myself overwhelmed with drama, I simply just cut that shit off. I've been in a constant struggle to find who I am, what I want in life and why I want to fulfill my dreams. I have no time to spend on people, things and places that won't further my growth as an individual. So when someone doesn't speak to me, its okay. Oh you lied to me three days in a row, that's cool. Oh that was your knife in back that you insist upon pushing deeper into my heart, that's what's up. And so on and so forth. I have to live y'all. I have to live. If I don't live for myself, who will? Not anyone else because they will be too damn busy talking about the latest word on the street.

My inner peace has taken over and I think I'm growing up.

My Words

Its my words

Its my words

Its my damn words

I ponder the thought of censorship and how it has stripped one's ability to completely express him/herself

Why does my words bother you

This is how I feel

And given the First Amendment don't I have the right to express myself

But I can't

Why?

Cause people keep watching me

Leave me alone

I am not a caged animal

That responds to your pokes and your camera lights

But you won't leave me alone

So I must get used to being a puppet in your stage show

I don't think people understand me

Please Don't Let Me Be Understood

Please

That shit was thrown out the window years ago

Cause with power comes scrutiny

Part of me wants to take a spoon of my alphabet soup and shove it down your throat

Just so maybe you could stop choking on your words and be fed off mine

Either way,

I'm a victim of word violence

People have slapped tape on my mouth and held me bondage

A prisoner of my own intellectual freedom

Yes

I'm a damn prisoner!

-Shackles 2011

Brother's Keeper by Justin B Poythresss

Will I be my brother’s keeper? Do I dare think deeper? Selfishness will fester within, wallowing in hateful sin. To neglect the needs of one another is to a degree just like murder. Suit and tie walks by, yet turns his eyes as a brother suffers and dies. Isn’t that homicide? High and mighty preacher approaches. Dressed to impress, headed to church. Not the time to mess his clean shirt. Too important to stoop to the dirt to help a brother who is hurt. Samaritan sees his brother lying in pain Doesn’t think twice about a stain Kneels to lift him from the mud sweating from the scorching sun. God bless the brother’s keeper. A love so pure furthers the Kingdom. The Artist creates with the stroke of a brush Earth’s in a hush as He stoops. Stoops to show us-- there is hope. Hope abounds when we are our brother’s keeper. Love one another. Love yourself. Drench the world with your overflow. As your cup runs over, those nearby get their feet wet from the living river that God grants. Now it’s on you to deliver. Who will be their brother’s keeper? Justin Blake Poythress 2/18/2011

T.I.M.E.

Little girl with long curly hair, an entire future in the palms of her hands. She turned one day and asked her mother about where she would be in the future. Her mother responded by saying that the little girl would be somewhere in the world doing great things and that the only thing that could stop her was God and T.I.M.E. The tricky thing about time is that when you feel you have the most of it, you actually have the least of it. As the little girl grew into a young lady she began to notice that time had taken the ones she loved. Time had taken her stranger-like grandfather, cousins and other relatives. Time had also taken her Beloved, at the beginning of her third path. Time had made those around her physically weak and forced to deal with a point in which they would have to realize that they would not be here. Time took her sanity. Time made her bitter. Time took her heart completely away from her body because she didn't need it to live. All the time she was happy, she was sad because time wouldn't let her thoughts be free. Her thoughts had to deliberate. Time took her friends, especially the ones she prayed for. But most importantly, time took her hopes for a better future, because she wasted time enjoying the present. The little girl, now a young lady, looks to time for nothing, because it did not wait for her and it took too much from her. So time and time again, she killed herself with a clear glass and a poisonous death.

A Sad Reflection

Sentimentally Speaking

I don't know if anyone else has ever done this before,

just sit and reflect on his/her life....particularly the areas of fault

I sit and I think of every action that I've had direct control over

and I ask myself, what could have I done differently?

Maybe instead of being such a foolish, self-centered woman, I could've had my eyes more open

Open to the promises that could have been fulfilled

Maybe instead of opening my mouth to speak, I should have remained silent

Maybe instead of walking forward, I should have taken a step backward

Maybe instead of playing in the secret garden, I should have been in the forest

Maybe instead of letting my soul become bitter, I should have expressed myself

Maybe I should have lived more in particular areas than others

Maybe I should have dove to the bottomless pits of the ocean instead of cutting my head open in the backyard pond

Maybe I should have supported you more instead of separating myself from you

Maybe I should have loved more, so I could have been loved more

Maybe I shouldn't have committed such acts then I wouldn't be here waiting for Karma to knock on my door and serve me with the same papers that I never thought I would've given to you

Maybe, just maybe, I should have just been better

But it makes no sense for me to sit on the porch and wait for life to rewind to those times,

All I have is the present and the future

And today, maybe right now, I'll be a better ______

I was thinking....what if?

In a moment of peace I began to think what if?

the sun didn't shine and we laid in darkness doing the things which we would not do in light

the eagles didn't fly high in the sky, but instead became pigeons and shitted on everybody

the artists didn't provide the world with their talent, but instead remain closed off to themselves

the writers lost words, sat in silence for fear that words may hurt

the teachers didn't teach, because their was nothing they could learn

the relationships we've built were blown away, like a hurricane in the cusp of morning

the hope for tomorrow dwindled in the disgust for the present

the life you thought you were living turned out to be a dream, and suddenly you awoke to realize that reality is actually a hell bound woven basket and you were the tool used to create it

the people never wanted change, but allowed everyone to stay the same, inadvertently causing a consistent change

the love became the hate

the peace became the war

the fear became the future

And everything that you defined was redefined by another because you weren't qualified enough to do so.

Tis' the Season to Sharpen Your Knives

(What they do)

(They smile in your face)

All the time they want to take your place

The back stabbers (back stabbers)

(They smile in your face)

All the time they want to take your place

The back stabbers (back stabbers)

All you _____who have ____

And you really care, yeah, yeah

Then it's all of you _____

Who better beware, yeah yeah

Somebody's out to get your ___

A few of your buddies they sure look shady

Blades are long, clenched tight in their fist

Aimin' straight at your back

And I don't think they'll miss

Well... well...well...Like the title reads "tis the season to sharpen your knives." Don't read this and act like you've never done it. Don't act as if you have never sharpened your knives. Ready to cut into the hearts, backs and throats of many people. It's so sad, but so true. We do it all the time. Smile in someone's face and talk about them behind their back. I always pondered the thought of five friends sitting in the room talking about the randomness of life. When one friend leaves and only four are left, do they discuss that one that left? So on and so forth until only that one friend remains, with the tea (information) about the other four. Mmhh.... I can only speak for myself, yes, I am a participant in such unladylike acts, but have I began to make a conscious decision to stop, no. However, I do think it is important to realize that KARMA does exist. Also, I find myself feeling weird about the whole gossip aspect, especially if your my "friend." I wouldn't want my circle of friends to bash me so why would I bash them behind their back. Tisk the reason why my circle changed in size. My mother always said that too many girls hanging around each other is never the best, chicks are catty (lawd knows I wanted to use another word :)) But really, think for a moment, think about how many times in your day have you sat and acknowledged someone else? Do you do it because you genuinely do not like that person or is it because of a present situation that involves that individual? Either way, STFU! Spend a little less time discussing someone else and focus on making a future for yourself! Spend a little more time trying to figure out how to save this hell-bound planet from eternal damnation. Spend a little more time making someone happy, because if you don't you will be a lonely bitter bitch, sipping wine and watching the clouds go by!

Changes....2pac style

I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere

unless we share with each other

We gotta start makin' changes

learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers

and that's how it's supposed to be

How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?

I'd love to go back to when we played as kids

but things changed, and that's the way it is

Come on come on

That's just the way it is

Things'll never be the same

That's just the way it is

aww yeah

I'm just sitting on the bed, reflecting about life. I ask myself a question everyday, is this the way it is? Will things ever be the same? So many things are happening to me and I have very few people to turn to. Isn't it amazing that when others go through things, you find yourself being the first person to run in their mental emergency room and prescribe them an antidote. But when you check into that same mental hospitality, people let you go insane. They say I've changed, I say no, they've changed. Either way, will things ever be the same? Cold hearts, cold looks are taking the place of warm words and warm hearts. We should be able to push through, fight the good fight and live to tell the tale. But we don't, we won't. We'll just replace that stain with a whole new one...

Be careful what you pray for....

I once heard a story of a man who had nothing. He knelt down everyday and asked God to give him something. Give him wisdom, give him friends, give him money, power, etc. He prayed so much for these things that God eventually gave it to him. For a while, the man lived like a god, he enjoyed the absolute best that life had to offer. It wasn't until his luck turned for the worst and series of events began to happen to him. Power told him that no one man should have to much of it, especially if they never spent time working for it. Money got funny and decided to up the cost of everything around him. And friends, what friends? Oh yea, the good life friends, decided that man was no longer good enough to be around, so they dismissed him as well. But then there is wisdom, the one that God was ecstatic about giving to this man. Wisdom made the man think, think so much that he practically went insane. Sitting in the confinement of his room, the man began to contemplate all of the changes that had taken place only to realize that he was alone. Alone in a room with nothing but temporary satisfactions and a terribly wasted mind. The man asked God why He had done such a thing to him. God responded by saying, "You should have concentrated on me and not the world because I am the world and without Me, you will continue to fail."